Blood and Thunder, the organisers of the Roller Derby World Cup, have announced that they plan to come up with another set of ridiculous rule changes for the 2017 World Cup.
In the run up to the 2014 Roller Derby World Cup Blood and Thunder had published plans for rule changes to prevent blow outs that left everyone feeling just slightly patronised.
The so-called ‘mercy rule’ stated that “if a team is leading by 100 points with 20 minutes remaining, the leading team will be awarded a ‘technical knock-out’.”
But the mercy rule was scrapped following Facebook-based outcries and much head-shaking from the roller derby community.
Blood and Thunder have now announced that they plan to come up with even more baffling rule changes for the Roller Derby World Cup in 2017.
Blood and Thunder spokeswoman DrAcula commented: “We are looking at a few small changes to improve competitive game play. For instance, if a team is lagging by a hundred points then each of their subsequent passes could count for two points.”
Another proposed rule change for 2014 had stated that a penalised jammer would only sit in the penalty box for one of the opposing jammer’s scoring passes.
For the next World Cup it is proposed that a team that is more than fifty points ahead will only be allowed to field three blockers per jam to give the other team a chance. This will be known as the ‘Sorry-you-are-too-good-rule’.
It is proposed that if a team is leading by ten points for a given jam, the leading jammer will be given penalty laps around the outside of the track until the lagging team has had a chance to catch up and bring the jam score difference to under ten points. This will be known as the ‘Please-go-easy-on-us-we-are-definitely-not-here-to-play-competitive-roller-derby-rule’.
Bouts of Team USA vs anyone else will be kept to two five-minute halves. This, according to Blood and Thunder, will allow teams to preserve their energy for games where they actually have any chance whatsoever.
DrAcula explained that these changes will lead to more exciting gameplay: “Scores will be closer and you will mostly see full strength teams on track. Though for Team USA we think that full strength starts with about two blockers. So we need to take that into account.”
“We believe that the best way to find out who is the best in this game is to change the rules and make it a different game. It sort of levels the playing field a bit if we play by a new set of rules that nobody has ever practiced.”
“We don’t think that teams can improve by playing under the current rule set. Just look at the scores of the previous World Cup finals. In 2011 we had USA-Canada with 336 to 33 and in 2014 it was USA-England with 219 to 105; both massive blowouts!”
“Most importantly, we want the games to be interesting for the thousands of first-time derby watchers who will purchase our $45 viewing package to see these games.”
Representatives from all participating nations commented: “We want to play under the WFTDA rule set. Or, as we like to call it, the ‘Sorry, not sorry rules’.”