Man has strong opinions on roller derby

A man recently attended his first roller derby bout. He quickly developed strong opinions on the sport that he felt he needed to make known.

The man explained to those around him that – clearly – the smaller, faster skaters should be jammers, while “the big girls” should be blockers.

Later in the first half he commented: “I don’t understand why they don’t wear inline skates. They be much faster this way and clearly speed is the most important factor in this game.”

When one of the teams pulled ahead, the man helpfully put his newly acquired expertise to good use by advising that the losing team should “stop that other jammer”.

Wanting to learn more, the man asked: “So, are there men’s teams? Presumably the men would be much better at this sport. And it’s a bit too violent for women anyway. It looks like you can easily get injured in this sport. Haven’t they thought about that?”

Being keen to help the sport develop, the man advised: “If those girls want this sport to ever be shown on TV then they really need to show a bit more skin. Nobody wants to just see women doing sports.”

The man also suggested improvements as to how the event could be run: “They should do much more advertising for these events. And everything could look a bit more professional. They should really do a better job. Presumably they all get paid for this?”

After the game, the man commented: “I’ve known roller derby for a good few hours now. So, I really think that I know exactly what this sport needs. I’m sure these girls have just been waiting for someone like me.”

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