This summer will see the highly awaited rematch of the Derpshire Rollergirls vs Metropolis Girls Roller Derby.
As expected for such a sought after event, tickets sold out within minutes of being released.
Hellphaba, of the Fartfordshire Rollers, was one of the unfortunate people who missed out on obtaining a ticket to the event and she has found her life falling apart because of it.
“I never even considered the possibility that I might not get a ticket to this very popular event. I mean, I really wanted one, so I basically deserve to have one, right?”
“I hit that refresh button on the ticket website for 20 minutes trying to get tickets for this roller derby event. And now that I haven’t got a ticket I just feel stupid and empty inside. Light will never be light again, it’s all darkness from here on out.”
“It was the worst 20 minutes of my life. I’m close to a breakdown.”
“I have a loving family and a good life, but that’s all ruined now. Thanks a lot, Derpshire!”
“Derpshire Rollergirls have made me realise that I can’t have everything in life and I hate them for it.
They have ruined roller derby for everyone.”
“I simply deserve a ticket to this event. I think it’s my right to see this event live. After all, I invested a whole twenty minutes on that ticket website.”
“It’s just not fair that the number of tickets is limited.
I’ve never had a problem getting a ticket for any of Fartfordshire’s bouts or any of the British champs bouts; even on the door. I don’t see why this bout should be any different! I want a ticket, dammit!”
“They say there were lots of tickets, but maybe they are lying. If there were so many tickets, how could they ever sell out? This all seems very shifty to me.”
“I bet they do this on purpose. They put on this whole event because They really wanted me to be sad.”
Shortly after the tickets sold out, Hellphaba voiced her anger on social media:
“Sold out!!! WTF I’ve been refreshing like mad #worst20minutesOfMyLive.”
“Being annoyed on social media has definitely made things better for me.”
“I see that lots of other loud and angry people on Facebook who missed out because it was sold out so quickly. I don’t understand? Clearly nobody got tickets!”
“They just don’t understand how much this game means to me. It’s a once in a lifetime! I have wanted to see it ever since my friend linked me to the Facebook announcement a few days ago.”
“This other woman from my league managed to get a ticket. Why does she get to go and I don’t? I hate everything now.”
“I have never organised an event like that, but I am sure if I did, I would have done it better.
We never have any complaints when we organise bouts in our league. Last time, all 30 people who came loved it. If Derpshire are so good, they should be able to sort out an event with over a thousand people no problem.
If they are so good, then why have they made me feel this way?”
“I would say I am gutted, but that isn’t the word.
I am crushed beyond imagination.
I am heartbroken.
I am just an empty shell of a woman now.
Nothing this bad has ever happened to me and nothing worse ever will.
I just cannot cope anymore.”
“They really need to do something to make up for the pain they have caused me.
I am so stressed out about this that I will probably have to take time off work. And I think Derpshire should compensate me for that.
Their mistakes have literally ruined my life.
I made so many sacrifices to be able to sit at a computer at the time the tickets went up. My life will never be the same.”
“I used to think the glass was half full, but Derpshire have taken the glass from me and smashed it on the floor. That’s how terrible they are.”
“I might just quit roller derby all together over this. There is just no joy in it anymore. All because of Derpshire.”
When we asked the Derpshire Rollergirls for a statement, a spokesperson commented:
“I can confirm that we literally put on this event to ruin your life.
I would love to continue chatting, but I have training later and a full-time job also this giant international event to organise.”
Looking to the future, Hellphaba commented:
“Maybe I’ll just apply to officiate or announce at this event. They owe me that.”
“Anyway, I have to go now because I am sure there are other things waiting to be complained about.”