After five years, a Roller derby player has finally understood the pun in her team mate’s roller derby name.
At last weekend’s bout, Skatelyn, of the Derpshire Rollergirls, was hit by a sudden realisation and finally understood the meaning behind her team mate’s roller derby name.
“I cannot believe I didn’t see it before! ”
“Her name is ‘Poocahontas’. You know – ‘poo’ like pooing and ‘Pocahontas’ like in Disney!”
“This is unbelievable. Skatelyn and I are derby wives and have been best friends every since we started playing. How can she not have gotten this until now?”
“I guess I thought it was just her real name or something.”
The members of the WFTDA rules committee have come together to develop a rule set for beginner’s or ‘fresh meat’ roller derby.
WFTDA spokesperson Onyxia commented:
‘We felt that this was a necessary step.
Adapting the rules of roller derby in this way will allow beginners to play without every player fouling out in the first five minutes.’
A summary of the most important changes from the standard rule set is exclusively shown here:
Out of Play
There are no limits to the engagement zone, the pack is everywhere.
Pack definition is not monitored and no failure to reform penalties are given.
There are no track boundary lines. Any lines on the floor mean nothing and can be ignored. Any potential cuts can be undone by skating back on the track.
There are no illegal reentries; players can reenter the track anywhere.
There is no such thing as a false start. Players can start anywhere they want.
Leaving the track when being called on a penalty is entirely optional.
Immediately after the start whistle of a jam, there will be a five second delay to give everyone the chance to clarify if the jam has really started and what those confusing whistles mean.
Referees will not communicate with players beyond issuing penalties. Warnings and prompts to return to the bench are just too confusing.
Finally, the new rule set will show the following diagram to clarify impact assessment in fresh meat roller derby.