Some other things that are part of people’s roller derby uniforms

Soon to be featured in a roller derby ad near you.

“Hi, my name is Tris Everdeen, I skate for the Derpshire Rollergirls, and a somewhat used sports bra is part of my uniform.”

“Hi, my name is Whirlygig, I skate for the Fartfordshire Rollers, and scratchy velcro is part of my uniform.”

“Hi, my name is Space Cowboy, I skate for the Lame County Rollers, and compression leggings that I never take off are part of my uniform.”

“Hi, my name is Jiffy, I’m unaffiliated, and compression sleeves for my unbearable shin splints are part of my uniform.”

“Hi, my name is Prima Vera, I skate for the Hot Monkey RollerDollz, and tape to hold all my gear together is part of my uniform.”

“Hi, my name is GLaDOS, I skate for the Gilead Roller Maidens, and my mouth guard that I’ve currently stored somewhere in my pants is part of my uniform.”

“Hi, my name is Wingardium Furiosa, I skate for the Bolvangar Rollers, and fingernails that are way too long for a contact sport are part of my uniform.”

“Hi, my name is Covfefe, I skate for Azeroth Roller Derby, and a brace for my severely injured knee is part of my uniform.”

“Hi, my name is Hannah, I skate for the Uncanny Valley Rollerboys, and a wedgie is part of my uniform.”

“Hi, my name is Mike Sandwich, I skate for Dongcaster Roller Derby, and make-up that smears all over other people’s uniforms is part of my uniform.”

“Hi, my name is Lack Toast and Tolerant, I mostly skate for challenge teams, and a top that I take off at any opportunity is part of my uniform.”

“Hi, my name is Tally McTallface, I skate for Los Santos Roller Derby, and an unnecessary helmet visor that only serves to hit other players in the face is part of my uniform.”

“Hi, my name is Gummivore, I skate for Detroit Roller Derby, and a belt is part of my uniform.”

“Hi, my name is Flibbertigibbet, I skate for V.F.D. Roller Derby, and TNOB’s ShoeLace™ Technology is part of my uniform.”

“Hi, my name is Scauld Evil, I skate for Gotham, and the blood of our enemies is part of my uniform.”

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New skate brand enters roller derby market: TNOB

After a recent split in the leadership of a well known skate company, a new roller derby skate brand has emerged: TNOB.

TNOB offers quad skates, boots, plates, wheels and anything you need for your roller derby set-up; and they promise brand new technology to make you the skater you want to be.

Avid V, head of TNOB, tells us more about what TNOB brings to the market: “We did intensive research of currently available skate technology. We found a core area for improvement that other brands have left largely unexplored.”

“On our boots, we have added brand new ShoeLace™ Technology to tighten the boot and hold your feet in place. These are a complete upgrade from ordinary laces, as they are are fully exchangeable and customisable, and we have different colours and elasticities.”

“To get the most out of the exciting new ShoeLace™ Technology, we recommend switching to a complete TNOB skate and padding set-up. Come to our booth at a derby event near you and we will fit you with all the TNOB equipment that we think you need.”

Myriad players have already switched to a TNOB set-up. And a number of high level players represent TNOB on the roller derby market as part of the sponsored ‘Team TNOB’.

Using #tnobulated as their hashtag, players like Team USA skater GMO FTW have been busily promoting TNOB on social media.

In a recent announcement, TNOB also opened up Team TNOB to new members:
“You too could be on Team TNOB! Submit a video of you acting like a TNOB for the chance to be on team TNOB at rollercon!”