Breaking news: WFTDA Championships update

Exclusive news update from the 2016 WFTDA Championships in Portland.

Jammer eats actual baby.
“I’ve always found that phrase confusing. Well, I’ve certainly protein loaded now.”

Sports court still worst court.
Better options said to include wood, concrete, royal and legal court.

All games so far ended in hugs, not fist fights.
Male players confused.

Gotham think they are ‘the good guys’.
Disagreeing with this is literally everybody.

Scientists discover new types of geometric shape in roller derby walls.
First reported sighting of a rombangle and a trimond outside of computational simulations.

Referee to be treated for jamnesia.
“One second I knew it all, the penalties, the points, the passes, and then suddenly … It was all gone!”

‘Rotational violence’ to blame for global warming.
But TNOB’s new helmet technology laboratory are on the case.