Breaking news: MRDA champs update

American visitors tricked into thinking that Wales is worth visiting.
Welsh people: “It’s lush!”

MRDA players wondering if forming walls may be a useful roller derby strategy.
Rumours say this might help to stop the opposing jammer.

Accessory of the year: slightly too long beard.
MRDA player comments: “Hi, my name is Alan Turning, I play for a southern English men’s roller derby team, and a slightly too long beard is part of my uniform.”

MRDA team actually think that their playing style is slow and controlled.
Team captain comments: “Our team’s style is to play very slow and controlled and the 93 penalties we received in the last game are all part of that style.”

Captain of GateKeepers makes prediction on championship game:
“I’d say our chances of winning and subsequently breaking an NSO’s leg today are pretty good.”

MRDA players are shopping for teams to transfer to next season.
Anonymous player from a West Coast team comments:
“You have to keep these things in mind. For all I know, my team may have disbanded by next month.”

MRDA announce that this will be the last year for MRDA champs in its current form.
MRDA spokesperson comments:
“To celebrate our inclusive policies, we will no longer be the MRDA (Men’s Roller Derby Association), but the MANFIPAPWUIAFBWDNFPFTLWLARDA (Men’s and non-female identifying person’s and person who usually identify as female, but who do not fancy playing for their local WFTDA league anymore’s roller derby association).”

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Exclusive: How this roller derby league recruits high level transfers

Take an exclusive look at an advert that is usually only distributed to the most elite of roller derby players.

Read on to see how this roller derby league recruits high level transfers.

 

Are you an elite roller derby player?
Do you play to win?
Do you want to be part of a team who aim to be the best in the world?

Then come and join Derpshire Roller Derby!

We guarantee: A spot on our All Star roster!

We will provide you with everything you need to make your transition as smooth as possible:
Do you need a job, a flat, partner(s), food and money to ease your transition?
We have you covered!
Derpshire is an expensive city, but do not worry!
We will provide you with a flat in central Derpshire with easy access to our venues, including a team gym with state of the art equipment and a luxury spa. You will also be provided with a personal masseuse, physio and nutritionist.

Interested in joining us?

Just talk to one of our recruiters at a derby even near you and discuss your needs.

Worried about time and commitments?
There is no need to worry; our All Stars team operate a zero attendance policy.
Can’t or won’t make practice? Just turn up for the bouts!

Also, no league committee work required!
(We have B-team players to do that for you.)

 

It remains to be seen how this approach will affect Derpshire Roller Derby’s progression through this year’s competitive season.