Success: Every North American men’s roller derby fan gets ticket to Men’s World Cup

The organisers of the Men’s Roller Derby World Cup (MRDWC), to be held in Calgary this weekend, have reported a major success in their ticket sales.

MRDWC spokesperson Ultracrepidarian commented:
“We are happy to announce that every single North American men’s roller derby fan was able to get a ticket for this event. We really feel like we have been able to connect with the main fan base of men’s roller derby.”

Buyers of tickets were ecstatic at the prospect of seeing the men’s World Cup live. Thingama Bob, of the Lame County Rollers, commented:
“I bought a ticket, because I really wanted a nice quiet weekend and some solitude. I’m looking forward to it just being me, my poutine and an empty row of seats. It will be glorious.”

Ultracrepidarian elaborated on some of the opportunities offered to fans this weekend because of the sales record:
“We are going to do this new system where every audience member is personally paired up with a player to high-five during the victory round. We just need to sell a few more tickets so that no player is left out.”

The start of the Men’s Roller Derby World Cup has been smooth so far, though MRDWC organisers were somewhat baffled during team registration to find that there are more national teams in Europe and in South America than in North America.
“We were very surprised. We had no idea. We thought maybe the USA and Canada would get at least three national teams. But apparently that’s not how it works.”

Come to Calgary this weekend to see the best of men’s roller derby, or follow the action on the live stream!

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Team England roller derby selections to exclude London leagues, “because they are too good”

The organisers of Team England and Men’s Team England have jointly announced that players of London-based leagues will be excluded from future national team selections.

This move follows outcries from the UK derby community at previous team selections. London-based skaters have been highly successful at securing spots on national team rosters in the past compared to skaters from other leagues.

National team leadership commented that team selection simply could not be conducted in a manner that would keep everyone happy if the London leagues were eligible, because they are too good.

Players from around the UK welcomed the move. “It just wasn’t fair”, commented Darwheeling of the Derpshire Rollergirls. “Just because those players are better and train harder than most doesn’t mean that they should be favoured in national team selections.”

“I am all for being a proper sport and athleticism, but selecting purely based on skill is going too far for me.”

“There is this awesome skater in my league who didn’t make the team. Sure, she doesn’t have any experience of playing at the high international level. But she is pretty good in our home scrimmages, so why shouldn’t she be on the team?”

“Also, I always suspected that those leagues use some sort of magic fairy dust in their training.”

“I think the process would be fairest if each league in the county provided one skater for the national squad.”

“Or maybe we could base it on how loudly people voice their feelings of discontent.”