What is your men’s roller derby scandal?

Men’s roller derby events, teams, organisations and individuals have been involved in a number of scandals recently.

Now Anticlockwiseblog exclusively invites you to play along and be part of the men’s roller derby fun.

If you were involved in men’s roller derby, what would be YOUR men’s roller derby scandal?

Find out below!
(Click on image to enlarge.)

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Breaking News: Men’s Team USA stripped of title and medal

The Men’s Roller Derby World Cup (MRDWC) organising committee have announced that Men’s Team USA are to be stripped of their World Cup winning title, gold medal and any honour they may claim to have bestowed on their country.

It has recently come to light that during the recent Men’s World Cup championship game, Men’s Team USA players commemorated a former team player, who left the team due to sexual harassment and assault allegations, by displaying his skater number on their bodies.

Following this controversy, the MRDWC organising committee have announced their decision that Men’s Team USA are to lose their titles and medals.

MRDWC organising committee spokesperson Number Guy commented:
“Team England will receive the gold medal, Australia will move up to silver and France will receive a well deserved bronze medal.”

A number-displaying Men’s Team USA player commented:
As a man, who has never been subject to sexual harassment from this person or anyone else, I think I can say that that time he lent me some wheels was so much more representative of his character than the dozens of times he harassed women and abused his status in this community.”

We were just thinking about how our top notch friend didn’t get to play, and forgot that it’s because of actions that he willfully inflicted on other people.”

Being 100% honest, we just didn’t think of those sexual harassment allegations as anything more than a hassle for our friend and the team.”

Sexual harassment is just not something that I ever think or worry about.”

I’m truly sorry that my friend got caught.”

I still think we are great representatives in this female-dominated sport.”

Roller derby World Cup overwhelmingly attended by statistics experts

This year’s roller derby World Cup in Manchester, England, has been overshadowed by controversy over its complex team ranking and seeding system.

Fortunately, social media surveys have shown that the event is overwhelmingly attended by statistics experts, all of whom could have easily come up with a much better system.

Czech Me Out from Team Whatislava commented:
“I definitely could have come up with something better if anyone had asked for my opinion. I mean, I don’t know if I would have actually wanted to put in the time to do it. And maybe I would need to know more about like maths and stuff. But I still think I could have done a better job.”

Dutch Majal, fan of Team Netherlands, commented:
“Why didn’t they just do like that system that they often do. You know?”

Norse Job from Team Arendelle commented:
“I never thought about different ranking systems and their pros and cons before today, but now I am outraged.”

Canadian fan Omnomnom de plume commented:
“They should have used chi-square. That’s a thing, right? Or maybe a bell curve.”

An anonymous team coach commented:
“Our team didn’t really care until we saw that this system didn’t put us in first place.
We didn’t pay attention to these details in the run-up to the event and we don’t care what other factors are taken into account, this is about us right now.”

Hakuna Patata from Team Nuevo Rico commented:
“With 38 teams, they just needed a 38-tiered approach.”

Most people commented:
“Maths is scary. Make it go away.”

Count von Count, the creator of the ranking system, commented:
“Look guys, it’s really simple: teams play several games in a circle and then we combine the relative strengths with information from a team poll about which teams they thought were the coolest and using point ratios and a least-squares minimisation with ranking S-curve and has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?”

“And obviously all of this is subject to change if you complain hard enough.”

Roller derby ruins BBC Sport for everyone

BBC Sport recently announced that they would be broadcasting the final day of this year’s Roller Derby World Cup, held in Manchester, on the BBC Sport website.

This announcement by BBC Sport was met with an outcry from self-proclaimed sport fans on social media, who saw the inclusion of an additional sport as a clear sign of decline for BBC Sport.

Those sport fans who managed to find the roller derby announcement amongst the dozens of posts about football, rugby and tennis that day, proclaimed how the inclusion of a single Roller derby event had effectively ruined BBC Sport for everyone.

Paul from Slough commented:
“Roller Derby is not a real sport.
It doesn’t have the athleticism of football, darts, snooker or other sports that are currently shown regularly on BBC Sport.”

“The uniforms those girls wear, with their short shorts and tank tops, just don’t look serious and athletic.
Nothing like a classic rugby shirt that makes you look like the glorious bumblebee that you are.”

“It’s not about sexism, it’s just that roller derby in particular is not a real sport”, commented Gavin from Hull, who would also never watch women’s football or women’s rugby.

“If we include roller derby, then what is next? The Triwizard Tournament? The Hunger Games? It’s a slippery slope.
We already have all the sport diversity we need with football, darts, and the roughly five different kinds of rugby-like sports currently shown on BBC Sport.”

When asked about the importance of equality and inclusiveness in sports, sports fan Simon from Blackpool commented:
“Whenever I watch the footie, my wife gets to fetch me beer and snacks. If that’s not inclusiveness in sports, what is?”

“I’m all for inclusion.”, said Matt from Milton Keynes, “I watched the heck out of women’s Olympic beach volleyball.”

“The idea that women might do something that isn’t for my entertainment is unsettling.”

“I just don’t see why my licence fees should pay for this?”, said Steve from Bradford whose licence fees also pay for a lot of other stuff on the BBC that he does not watch, like say, news or documentaries.

Dave from Walsall commented: “The idea that football might not be the most important thing in everyone’s life scares me and my fragile ego. If football is not important, maybe neither am I?”

Responding to the criticisms, BBC sport commented:
“We are happy to show Roller Derby.
It is one of the fastest growing sports in the world, with a particularly exciting viewer experience and with a World Cup held in Britain this year.”

“We are only showing the final day, and therefore the highest-level match-ups at this event and we are only showing it on the website.”

“We also made sure to use a picture of male roller derby players to represent the sport on our website to not scare our usual fan base too much.”

“Yesterday alone, we updated our viewers on over 300 football matches of various levels, as well as player transfers, birthdays and court dates.”

“If BBC Sport can show every move of the U17 section of Bumbletown Football Club then we think it is also fine to occasionally show the very highest level of other sports.”

“If you don’t like it, then on the 4th of February, instead of armchair warrioring on our social media, don your best smart-casual rugby shirt attire, take your fragile masculinity, go outside, tweedledum down to the local park and maybe play in or engage with one of those sports you apparently care for so much.”

“And for the rest of you, come and watch the Roller Derby World Cup on Sunday, 4th of February live on the BBC Sport website and connected TVs.”

 

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Success: Every North American men’s roller derby fan gets ticket to Men’s World Cup

The organisers of the Men’s Roller Derby World Cup (MRDWC), to be held in Calgary this weekend, have reported a major success in their ticket sales.

MRDWC spokesperson Ultracrepidarian commented:
“We are happy to announce that every single North American men’s roller derby fan was able to get a ticket for this event. We really feel like we have been able to connect with the main fan base of men’s roller derby.”

Buyers of tickets were ecstatic at the prospect of seeing the men’s World Cup live. Thingama Bob, of the Lame County Rollers, commented:
“I bought a ticket, because I really wanted a nice quiet weekend and some solitude. I’m looking forward to it just being me, my poutine and an empty row of seats. It will be glorious.”

Ultracrepidarian elaborated on some of the opportunities offered to fans this weekend because of the sales record:
“We are going to do this new system where every audience member is personally paired up with a player to high-five during the victory round. We just need to sell a few more tickets so that no player is left out.”

The start of the Men’s Roller Derby World Cup has been smooth so far, though MRDWC organisers were somewhat baffled during team registration to find that there are more national teams in Europe and in South America than in North America.
“We were very surprised. We had no idea. We thought maybe the USA and Canada would get at least three national teams. But apparently that’s not how it works.”

Come to Calgary this weekend to see the best of men’s roller derby, or follow the action on the live stream!

Team England roller derby selections to exclude London leagues, “because they are too good”

The organisers of Team England and Men’s Team England have jointly announced that players of London-based leagues will be excluded from future national team selections.

This move follows outcries from the UK derby community at previous team selections. London-based skaters have been highly successful at securing spots on national team rosters in the past compared to skaters from other leagues.

National team leadership commented that team selection simply could not be conducted in a manner that would keep everyone happy if the London leagues were eligible, because they are too good.

Players from around the UK welcomed the move. “It just wasn’t fair”, commented Darwheeling of the Derpshire Rollergirls. “Just because those players are better and train harder than most doesn’t mean that they should be favoured in national team selections.”

“I am all for being a proper sport and athleticism, but selecting purely based on skill is going too far for me.”

“There is this awesome skater in my league who didn’t make the team. Sure, she doesn’t have any experience of playing at the high international level. But she is pretty good in our home scrimmages, so why shouldn’t she be on the team?”

“Also, I always suspected that those leagues use some sort of magic fairy dust in their training.”

“I think the process would be fairest if each league in the county provided one skater for the national squad.”

“Or maybe we could base it on how loudly people voice their feelings of discontent.”